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Bush wins, Forbes disqualified for bribery
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Giuliani: "$100? What gall! What a cheapskate!"
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STATEN ISLAND (Streetplay newsfeed, 2/2/2000) - In the opening event of the
Streetplay Presidential Pentathlon 2000, Republican candidate
George W. Bush took an early lead by handily beating
all other contestants in the marbles
competition. Due to inclement weather, the competition was held on the
gymnasium floor of the Port Richmond High School here in Staten Island, NY;
however, this did not hamper Bush, who easily outdistanced second and third
place winners Republican Alan Keyes and Vice
President Al Gore.
While the results of the competition were much as expected, there was
excitement beyond the field of play. The referee of the marbles event, New
York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, disqualified Steve
Forbes from the competition for attempting to bribe him. "As soon as Bush
won his third match," Giuliani reported, "Forbes took me aside, shoved a $100
bill into my hand, and said, 'why don't you take Donna [Donna Hanover,
Giuliani's wife] and yourself to a nice dinner.' I was mortified not only by
the mere bribe attempt but also at the parsimonious sum he attempted to seduce
me with." Giuliani added that Forbes told him, "I'll bankroll your Senate
campaign if you declare me marbles champ."
While Forbes doesn't deny giving Giuliani a $100 bill, he denies that it was a
bribe attempt. "I give lots of people cash in the hope that they'll vote for
me. This was just an act of good will on my part, and I'm sorry that Rudy
took it the wrong way." Forbes added that he wouldn't protest his
disqualification from the marbles competition and that he'd redouble his
efforts in the upcoming hopscotch event.
Some observers thought that Democrat Bill Bradley
would be helped by playing on a basketball court, but this proved untrue as
the lanky former New York Knick lacked the fine manual dexterity to win. Said
Bradley, "Napoleon had Waterloo, Michael Jordan had baseball, I have marbles."
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"I don't like falling down," noted Bauer, "but I got so much press from the
pancake thing, I figured, 'Why not?'"
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Republican candidate Gary Bauer who days before had
embarrassingly fell off the stage at a pancake-flipping event in New
Hampshire, duplicated the feat in the marbles competition. After losing a
game to Bradley, Bauer fell on his backside while walking over to shake his
opponent's hand. "I was so busy being a good sport, I forgot I was walking on
a bunch of marbles on a wooden floor."
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"It's just a flesh wound, I'll be back!" quipped McCain.
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Injury note: While Bauer suffered no ill-effects of his second fall in three
days, Republican John McCain experienced a slight
sprain of his knee on his first attempt at shooting a marble. "I should have
warmed up more. I'm no spring chicken you know. But I will overcome this
incapacity; the lessons I learned as a POW in Hanoi have made me tough."
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